Triggers…

red-white-trigger-sprayers

Those of you who have been through something traumatic will know what I am talking about. For those lucky enough not to know, triggers are things that can bring on a vivid memory or feeling associated with your assault – in other words a flashback.  Here are just a few of my triggers:

*Chewing Tobacco
*Bare feet on Cold Linoleum
*Things over my nose – feeling or breathing my own breath
*being backed up against something hard
*falling asleep in a quiet room (I must have noise)
*seeing pictures of me at that age
*his name, first & last
*having my hair tangled
*turtlenecks
*the sound of zippers
*wearing socks when I sleep
*sleeping under a light weight sheet instead of a heavy blanket
*any pillow that is not a feather pillow
*people making jokes about s*x and water beds
*people talking about losing their virginity

There are more, but that is enough for now. Do you have any triggers you would like to share?  Feel free to leave a comment!

Originally posted at Learn.Love.Live.

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~ by After Silence on August 27, 2009.

7 Responses to “Triggers…”

  1. The sound if rain, esp during busy traffic
    cricket noises from outside coming from the left of me
    heavy footsteps
    tabacco smoke
    stale coffee
    any form of s*x or violence on TV so I don’t watch TV anymore
    waterbed
    the smell of carpet
    ticking clocks
    running water in the sink
    men with strong arms or look like him

  2. the song Technologic by Daft Punk
    when a male raises his voice at me
    certain restaurants
    Halloween

  3. Banging on doors
    The smell/presence of alcohol
    Anything that represents “submissive/dominant” behavior
    Violence (esp. sexual) in movies, TV shows, books, music
    Having my eyes or mouth covered
    Certain cologne
    Heavy footsteps bordering on stomping
    Being trapped (back against the wall, locked in a room, etc.)

  4. Being trapped
    white cargo vans
    smell of alcohol on breath
    guns
    smell of pine
    trust
    caring
    hands on my throat, even ours
    collies
    smell of grease
    motorcycles
    his name
    being 50
    smell of urine

  5. pictures of me as a child
    any old family photos
    smell of oil mixed with cigarettes
    car mechanic hands
    fingertips yellow from holding cigarettes
    stature/build of certain men
    blue cuffed workpants
    pocket t-shirts
    black men’s workshoes
    smells of a marina and/or boats
    certain furniture, white paint w/ gold stencil design
    heavy footsteps
    being alone
    overbearing, controlling men
    certain male facial expressions
    Sept 11th events
    pipe tobacco, pipes
    car grease smells

  6. Unexpected hugs, or hugs that go a certain amount of time.
    The word “grope”.
    Safeway.
    My back being touched, between the shoulder blades (Which had nothing to do with my assault, someone just accidentally touched my back MONTHS after and it’s been a trigger ever since.)
    Various scenes in my favorite TV shows, like nearly any where a male character shows force to a female.
    Feeling trapped.
    February.
    Sometimes, chairs that I sit in.

    I have so many more…

  7. Ah, triggers…
    A breath just behind my shoulder or ear. Especially my left one.
    The feeling of clammy skin aside from the face.
    A draft on my thighs–sometimes I can’t wear short skirts or shorts for this reason.
    Clamminess or dampness on my thighs.
    Quick movements near my head, especially upper left side.
    Breathiness or whispering of a man’s especially when he’s excited.
    My face getting splashed (weird, since I am/was a competitive swimmer).

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