The silence of our friends

•January 17, 2011 • 4 Comments

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. ~MLK

I was looking at Martin Luther King, Jr. quotes this morning; after all he was one of the wisest men of our times and it is MLK day.  The above quote struck me to my core.  Dr. King was speaking on a large scale but this is true for each and everyone of us.

In all that has happened to me over the years, I can truly say that the hardest part to get past was the silence of my friends.  What they might have deemed as not “taking sides,” I saw as indifference.  I still struggle to see how someone close to me could see the pain I was in and then look me in the face and tell me that they just didn’t know what to think because my perpetrator was their friend too.

I understand being torn. I really do.  The thing I find disturbing is that the friends I had that said these things, thought they were being loving and caring towards me.  They did not see why I took it personally that they could not take sides. They wanted to be able to say that they didn’t know who to believe without me assuming that they were questioning my honesty.  If you don’t believe me, so be it – but don’t tell me that doesn’t reflect badly on your opinion of me.  That’s just bull.

I know it can be hard to speak out about things. It can be scary to put yourself out there.  But sometimes you have to make a choice between good and evil. You can’t stand silently in the background & let evil rein.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~MLK


The Problem with Twilight….

•July 8, 2010 • 1 Comment

I came across a very impressive post from a teenager, Kate, writing about her views of  the Twilight series. Finally a teenage girl who has enough of a head on her shoulders to realize that all Meyers does in her books is promote dysfunctional relationships as the ideal.

I have to say I agree whole heartedly with Kate’s take on the Twilight Saga. As I told my friend just the other day, while the series was a fun read it in no way represents a healthy romance. I don’t get what Bella sees in Edward. He is controlling and cold. Hell, he even watches her while she sleeps – you know like a STALKER! Jacob may be a bit more to my liking, but he has issues as well. Like forcing Bella to kiss him against her will. At least Bella punched him in the face for it, even if she broke her hand.

I worry about the kind of unrealistic precedent these books set for teenage girls, and middle aged women for that matter. I have heard way too many girls at my son’s school wax poetic about how they wish they had an Edward all their own. For their sake I hope the Edwards and Jacobs stay away from them.

Most of you have probably guessed by now that I’m, um, not the biggest fan of the Twilight saga.  And no, it’s not just because Robert Pattinson’s eyebrows look like caterpillars that are apt to crawl off his face mid-interview.  Nor is it that when it comes to pretty vampires, I’d take Thomas Raith over a Cullen any day.  My problem is, thankfully, a little less superficial than that. If you’ve ever met a “Twihard”, ever set foot into Hot Topic, … Read More


STEP-UP! bystander intervention program

•July 8, 2010 • 1 Comment

Will you step up and take the pledge?

STEP-UP! bystander intervention program A member of MAC participated in a STEP-UP! presentation presented by The University of Arizona’s C.A.T.S Life Skills program. I was impressed with the materials and information that he brought back from the presentation and wanted to share this as a resource for those interested in bringing bystander intervention work to their campus or group. STEP-UP! is a comprehensive bystander intervention program. However, STEP-UP! is a bit different because … Read More

via Men’s Anti-Violence Council’s Blog

Super Hero Power (via Committed to Freedom’s Blog)

•July 8, 2010 • 2 Comments

I found a great post today. It started off cute and funny talking about sci-fi movies and super heroes. But it turned into something much more profound and moving. A story about struggles and survival, full of wisdom for those of us who have lived through trauma.

“Abuse survivors and Ralph Hinkley have a great deal in common. The fact that you’ve made it this far is a testimony to your strength, resilience, resourcefulness, and spirit! You have courage and power – power gifted to you by the Spirit of God. The challenge, for you, is to learn what that means and how to use it on your journey beyond abuse. Particularly in the early stages of recovery, you may feel as if you’re crashing more than landing on your feet or hurling through the air like a dodo bird rather than soaring like an eagle.”

Thanks Sally for reminding us that we may all struggle, but we can all fly!

So sing! Sing at the top of your lungs: “Believe it or not, I’m walkin’ on air, I never thought I could be so free. Flying away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not, it’s just me!”

Super Hero Power I’m a sucker for really bad science fiction. Not the “slasher-demon-possessed-slimy-monsters” kind of sci-fi, but the “this-is-so-bad-it’s-great!” kind. You know, the kind where you can see the strings that hold up the “flying saucers” as they whiz past the camera? Classics like “Santa Clause Conquers the Martians” or “Attack of the Killer Tomato.” My love of silly sci-fi was gratified recently, when an all-day marathon of the 1980’s TV series “G … Read More

via Committed to Freedom’s Blog

I Spoke Out…

•July 8, 2010 • Leave a Comment

… at Violence Unsilenced.  I want to think Maggie for giving me the chance to share my story with more survivors.  Check it out when you get a chance and thanks for the support you have all given me.

“The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.” ~William Shakespeare,Othello

Rape is Not Love

•June 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Kristen Should Have Known Better

•June 4, 2010 • 1 Comment

Recently actress Kristin Stewart of Twilight fame compared being hounded by the paparazzi to being raped.  While I will give her that the paparazzi regularly violates celebrities, it is NOT the same as being raped.

What I find more disturbing is Kristen’s stance as an advocate against sexual violence since her role as a rape victim in the movie, Speak.  You would think with her exposure to activist groups and victims of sexual assault she would realize her statements were unbelievably inappropriate.

Katherine Hull, a spokesperson on behalf of Rape and Incest National Network (R.A.I.N.N.) agrees, telling that “Kristen Stewart’s comments are regrettable. Portraying a rape survivor in the film ‘Speak’ should have led her to use a more appropriate metaphor to describe the intrusive nature of the paparazzi.  Rape is more than an intrusion, it’s a violent crime, that causes serious long term mental health effects for victims.”

Similarly, Margaret Lazarus, the executive director of, who has written extensively about violence against women, thinks Stewart may need to reevaluate her word choice the next time she sounds off to the press.

“Rape is a violation in which one has no choice.  A star seeking publicity has choices,” Lazarus told “Although rape involves loss of privacy, loss of privacy does not constitute rape. Let’s use a little logical thinking here.”

Neil Irwin, Executive Director of the Men Can Stop Rape Organization, said that “Kristen Stewart equating her experience of the paparazzi with rape is like comparing a needle to a knife. While there is a connection – both involve a loss of control – we at Men Can Stop Rape know from hearing the stories of sexual assault survivors that the degree of hurt caused by rape is greater.  Out of respect for these survivors, we would suggest using a more appropriate word, like ‘violation.’”

Don’t get me wrong, I think the paparazzi are deplorable. Kirsten has certainly had to deal with being intruded upon by their cameras and questions, and she has my sympathy.  Still, Kirsten, should have picked her words more wisely.

At least she has quickly addressed her faux pas with PEOPLE:

“I really made an enormous mistake – clearly and obviously,” Stewart, currently in Korea to promote the new installment of the Twilight series Eclipse, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “And I’m really sorry about my choice of words.”

Stewart, 20, is not known as one to mince words. “I’ve made stupid remarks before, and I’ve always reasoned: ‘Whatever. They can think what they want,’ ” she says.

But in this instance, the Los Angeles-born actress feels compelled to address the situation. ” ‘Violated’ definitely would have been a better way of expressing the thought,” she notes.

In fact, the issue of violence against women is one that has been close to Stewart since playing a victim of rape in the 2004 film Speak. She has done public service announcements for theadvocacy group RAINN and for SOC.

The irony of the situation in which Stewart now finds herself is not lost on the actress. “People thinking that I’m insensitive about this subject rips my guts out. I made a big mistake.”